Everything Changes: Help for Families of Newly Recovering Addicts by Beverly Conyers

Author:Beverly Conyers
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781592858330
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2009-06-20T14:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 5

SLIPS, RELAPSES, AND OTHER BUMPS IN THE ROAD

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.

—THOMAS À KEMPIS

John, a broadly built man with a hangdog face and threads of gray in his dark hair, takes a deep breath before starting to speak. He has been attending the Tuesday night support group for more than three years, and the people seated around the table are like family.

Together they have shared the heartache of loving an addict and celebrated their hard-earned successes: being detached (sometimes), minding their own business (most of the time), and—to the best of their ability—replacing fear with faith and despair with hope. They have exchanged tales that made them laugh or cry, and hugged close to their hearts the occasional, heartening stories of a loved one’s recovery. Those are the stories that sustain them through the bad times, reminding them that no case is hopeless and that recovery can happen when we least expect it.

John’s daughter Lilly is a case in point. Addicted to alcohol, meth, and other drugs for ten years, she has miraculously turned her life around. She is living in another state, is sharing an apartment with a woman in recovery, and has been working in a bakery for the past nine months. She seems positive and cheerful for the first time in many years. She’s even started a relationship with a man she met at an AA meeting. John and his wife have begun to hope that the worst is behind them, and that their beloved thirty-three-year-old daughter is on her way to a stable and happy life.

“We got a call last night,” he tells the group. The tremor in his voice leaves no doubt that the call was not a good one. “She told us she relapsed. She’s been using for about a month. She lost her job and can’t pay the rent.”

There are murmurs of sympathy around the table. Some people give him looks of concern. Others bow their heads. He swallows hard a couple of times. “She was crying. She asked if we’d help her out until she gets back on her feet.”

His wife reaches over and covers his hand with her own. Someone pushes a box of tissues toward them. “I told her we can’t do it. Not anymore.” The raggedness in his voice betrays the difficulty of the decision. “She has to get back into treatment. That’s her only option. She knows. She agreed.”

His wife pulls a tissue from the box and wipes her own eyes.

“She’s supposed to make some calls today, try to get in someplace.” He clenches his wife’s hand and stares hard at some point only he can see. “I can’t believe it’s starting all over again.”

There’s a silence while the group digests the news. Even though they know that relapse happens, that it’s part of the process, it’s like a physical blow. She had been doing so well. She was on the right track.

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